i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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