Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
