I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
