Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
