ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
