he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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