Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize