Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
