Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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