We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
