I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
