When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
