hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's the barista slut.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
