woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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