I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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