Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
