oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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