Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've blown a few things in my day
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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