We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
