remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Quick, to the slutcave!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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