So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I said "one day" and that day is not today
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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