You can't special order awesome
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
