Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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