I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
