Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
