woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
