i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
