All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
