The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
