Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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