I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
