You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
