We named our party play list daddy issues
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
