Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
