Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
