You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
