And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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