Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
