Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
