We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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