I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
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