Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
