so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
