Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
