I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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