Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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