apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
