My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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