Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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