Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
