How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize