i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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