I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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