I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
