I accidentally had phone sex last night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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