the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
