Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
