Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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