Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
