I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
