how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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