If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
