I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
