The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
