he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
