Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize