Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
