fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
