I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
