Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
