I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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