You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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