yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
