my shit smells like andre
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
