did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
