is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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