I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dick very happy bro
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
